a positive outlook on layoffs

i used to work at an ad agency where one of the VPs was a totally abusive tyrant with a major napoleon complex.

while i was there i learned that i wasn't the first to endure his verbal and emotional abuse.

primarily because of this particular person, the turnover rate for employees is pushing 30%.

there are only 20 employees at this particular agency.

roughly every 75 days someone was moving on to greener pastures, as they say.

the one upside to this was that there was a thriving counter-culture that arose in the late 80's.

a former head of PR noticed the trend of talented artists coming in with high hopes and leaving because of the irrational, unprofessional behavior and cronyism.

to give the other poor victims of these heinous crimes some hope he created a "golden ticket" of sorts.

it was an envelope containing a postcard with the company letterhead and a remarkably appropriate mark twain quote on it.

the recipient of this card was then marked as the next person who had to leave the organization.

for more than 15 years, this card was fought over among the employees because it was more than just a scrap of paper, it was a right of passage.

it was a ticket to freedom that was to be redeemed as soon as possible.

i made a copy of it and have it posted above my desk.

even now as people are getting laid off at work, i look up at it and remember that things could be worse.

i could still be working there.

transformers as christian allegory from a 7-yr-old

there's a kid named manny in my bible study group that is seven years old and completely and utterly enthralled with the world of transformers.

about three months ago, he discovered that i knew about transformers, which up to that point he thought was an experience that was unique to kids his age.

since then, he has hounded me with questions about specific characters that i hadn't thought about since i was his age twenty years ago.

every week at bible study group he regales me with stories of the various incarnations of optimus prime, the governmental structure of the speed planet the pivotal role of unicron and the insidious nature of megatron.

this has been going on weekly for 3 months now.

this past saturday, he started in again about a particular character named Sideways who's nefarious plot is to simply stir up contention among the autobots and get them to fight each other.

not only can manny go on and on for hours on the subject, he is also VERY soft-spoken. this makes it hard for even the most intent listener to understand what he is saying.

i did my best to listen to this long diatribe but after about 10 minutes i asked him to stop. we were, after all, out in the public ministry work and i had determined that it wasn't the appropriate time.

as kindly as i could, i said to him, "manny, maybe we should talk about something else right now. it's time to talk about the bible with our neighbors. let's talk about jesus and god's kingdom."

there was a long healthy pause in the conversation.

after much deliberation, manny spoke.

"y'know, optimus prime is kinda like jesus... he's wise and powerful and kind... "

"plus he died and came back... " i chimed in.

"and megatron is kind of like satan because he wants to rule the universe and only wants to do bad things... and the deceptacons are kind of like the demons because they follow him... and unicron is kind of like god because he created all the transformers and the planets and he can never die and he was never born, he just always was... "

at this point, manny's dad, randy, stepped in and said, "okay, manny, i think we're done with transformers today."

i laughed.

but then the more i thought about it, manny is right. there are an awful lot of parallels to biblical accounts in the world of transformers. i think he may be the only seven-year old alive who "gets it".

inspired by this new insight, i've created the art above.

my wutang style beats your sudoku style

i beat my high score recently.

i just wanted the world to know.

horrible pun of the week

i'll be the first to admit that i've committed some egregious crimes of the pun variety.

the latest was from this past weekend.

i was eating lunch with a group of people and a young woman in the group was regaling us with stories about her recent trip to prague.

someone in the group asked her if it was her first time being abroad.

without missing a beat i replied, "actually, she's been one all her life."

is this thing on?

i feel so alone

i sold my 60gb iPod, which i affectionately dubbed "podzilla", to my little sister about 2 weeks ago.

i actually listened to the radio for one whole song this morning, but it offered no solace.

if you don't mind, i'd like to talk to my departed friend for a few paragraphs while i play boyz II men's "it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday."

here goes...

i will miss you podzilla.

you were always there when i needed you.

when i was depressed, you helped me grieve with your "slit a wrist" playlist.

when i was happy you helped me express it with your "singing in the car" mix.

times weren't always easy for the two of us.

i remember that accidental drop you took last april. i thought i almost lost you.

i swore from that moment on that i would cherish every day that we spent together.

and i have.

i will always think of you fondly and recall the times i proudly displayed you to everyone i met.

you brought me joy and happiness and you never judged me when i downloaded the spice girls onto your hard drive.

i hope your next owner appreciates and loves you as much as i have.

and remember, we'll always have that stretch of I-75 to cincinnati.

i've decided to wait a while and not buy just any old ipod while i'm on the rebound.

but i have already picked out a name for the next one that i adopt.

mecha-podzilla!!!

i love my job

and i'm seriously expanding my skillset.