bible passages for pervs

i was reading a portion of our scheduled bible reading this past week and it was just too funny.

the scheduled reading was the entirety of "song of solomon."

the basic gist of the book is about a young shulamite maiden and her undying love for her shepherd boy to whom she is betrothed.

king solomon takes notice of her and offers to make her his queen, such is the magnitude of her exquisite beauty.

the verses bounce back and forth between the maiden, the shepherd boy and solomon.

to make the reading a little more entertaining (and also because i'm a little sick in the head), i imagined the parts being sung as an 80's style pop ballad, specifically along the lines of lionel richie and diana ross' "endless love" duet. to complete the experience, i also envisioned an overdone sax solo between verses.

needless to say, the reading was highly entertaining and the discussion at our meeting last week was great. it's always fun to figure out who the pervs are in your congregation.

one menopausal woman was particularly outspoken about her love of the romantic passages.

my favorite part was a verse spoken by the shepherd boy to the maiden where he describes the splendor of her physical form. he describes her as a lily among thorns and compares her soft round eyes to doves. then, using an analogy which still baffles and confuses me, he tells her that her breasts are like mountain goats.

that's right mountain goats.

jokingly, i hypothetically asked my cousin what she would think if a guy conferred such a compliment upon her.

she laughed and said, "oh, i would be so turned on."