slammed by the mentally challenged

i mean, dang!

as if my self-esteem wasn't already low enough, i got served by a 17-yr-old mentally challenged girl.

it all started when i went to take care of my great-grandmother's dog.

she's in the hospital right now and my great-aunt has asked me to help out, which i honestly don't mind.

since her backyard touches mine, i decided to just cut through the yards and take care of this responsibility quickly.

i let the dog out the side door and quickly ran to the restroom to "drain the main vein."

by the time i got to the restroom i was starting to dance.

i had to go pretty bad so i didn't even shut the door.

i was the only person in the house so i didn't feel the need to.

however, i had this ginchy feeling that i had experienced this before.

of course, mid-stream i heard the front door open and granny's mentally-handi-capable neighbor girl walked into the house.

i quickly ceased my business and closed up shop.

"hello?!?!" shouted the neighbor girl.

i hurriedly washed my hands and responded.

i came out of the hallway and said hello to her.

"i was afraid somebody was breaking in, because, you know, miss hines is in the hospital."

being the grandson, i knew this information already.

the girl then followed me around the house asking how she was doing.

i told her that granny is not so hot because she's 98 years old and is having a very slow recovery.

returning to the present danger, she continued, "well, i had to check over here because i was afraid that somebody was breaking in, because, you know, miss hines is in the hospital and somebody could break in and steal her stuff, you know, it could be anybody breaking in to steal, like a... well, you know what a drug dealer is, right?"

i smiled and confirmed to her that i had, in fact, heard of people actually selling drugs illegally.

"yeah, it could be a drug dealer or anybody that just wants to steal..." (she paused) "i hate thieves."

i nodded my head in agreement.

i was busying myself around the house and she continued following me, talking non-stop. i'm not inclined to tell a retarded person to leave me the heck alone so i let her keep on.

i turned around in the kitchen and she was standing in front of me.

out of nowhere, she queried, "what size pants do you wear?"

i was a little thrown by this question so i kind of laughed and replied, "36."

"oh," said she. "you look like a 40."

my jaw dropped.

how do you respond to that?

i went back home and called my sister, very upset.

"jenna, guess what?" i sobbed. "granny's retarded neighbor girl call me a 'fatty mcfat-fat."

i cried myself to sleep that night.