adventures in manscaping

last year i passed a major milestone that most men hope they never have to address.

i bought a nose hair trimmer.

the very act of nose hair grooming is a ritual that i am convinced only the most depraved sadist could enjoy.

but i also don't want to look like a human catfish, so i've invested in a battery powered trimmer which i discreetly use every few months.

well, it had come to be that time last thursday.

i was preparing to go to a religious convention and i wanted to look my best so broke out "busby" (as i've affectionately named it) and went to work on my right nostril.

five seconds in, the battery decided that it had had enough of this demeaning task and completely died.

now i had one captain picard nostril and one don king nostril.

this would have been quickly remedied if i had AA batteries on hand, but nooooooo! life is never that simple for yours truly.

i went into my bedroom and pulled one from my tv remote.

busby whirred to life with renewed vigor until i again inserted the trimmer in my sniffer.

i tried the other battery in the remote... same story.

new battery... same nostril... dead stop.

i moved on to my dvd remote batteries.

battery... nostril... stop...

battery... nostril... stop...

then my battery powered clocks.

battery... nostril... stop...

battery... nostril... stop...

at one point i began to think that my nose hairs might have adapted to become impervious to man-made steel blades.

i then pictured the scene from superman 4 where one of superman's hairs is holding up a 2-ton weight in a museum.

one hour and eight batteries later, i finally found one with enough juice to do the job.

and out of respect to my trimmer i have renamed it.

BUSBY THE NOSE HAIR SLAYER!!!