puerto rico - recap

holy moses!

what a surreal week it's been.

i'm in the hot-lanta airport trying to collect my thoughts but everything is such a blur.

maybe if i work backwards.

in the san juan airport, i got to stand behind a couple of real american b-holes who were angry at the world because they got to the airport late and felt that they shouldn't have to stand in line with everybody else.

an amazing string of highly uncreative expletives was coming out of the husband's mouth.

as he was telling the entire island of puerto rico to have sex with itself, i decided that I wasn't going to let this jerk ruin my trip so I cranked up the old ipod and totally tuned him out.

in actuality, we were only in line for a sum total of 20 minutes but then we he was told that he couldn't carry his big gulp past the screening area, he blew up and threw the drinks at the trash can, letting them explode soda and ice all over the floor.

he then blasted out the queen mother of all curse words no less that one dozen times to the crowd around him and the airport staff in particular.

a large black woman with a southern accent spoke aloud what everybody else was thinking. "that ain't gonna get you on the plane any faster."

on the plane, i was seated next to a serious chatter.

now i'm not going to cast the first stone when it comes to being talkative but good lord!

so many unfiltered thoughts escaped her lips that i began to wonder if she had some form of tourette's.

"is that one of those ipods? are you watching a movie on it? is that from a tv? can you watch survivor on that?"

even while talking to the stewardess, she continued to talk at me.

i seriously needed to be inebriated if this was to continue so i ordered a dirty martini on the rocks from the drink cart.

"why is it called a dirty martini?" she asked, "and who do you think was the first person to call ice 'rocks'?"

at that point I pulled on my headphones. it had worked for the ugly american in san juan, I was sure that it would filter out this walking brain drip.

...

before leaving the resort, i had my first spa massage complements of my boss for all of the hard work that I had done this week.

the masseuse seemed to be a pretty cool guy and i had a pretty good conversation with him. he told me that he was recently divorced but was dating a local girl who was also a salsa instructor.

i shared my similar taste in beautiful latin women with him and described one that I had seen in san juan a few days prior.

she was walking through the town square at noon looking ready for the clubs. she was wearing a yellow, form-fitting sun dress and completely working everything she had; long raven hair, full supple lips and a shake that made me wonder if it would be accompanied by french fries.

"just another ugly puerto rican girl." said the masseuse.

...

hopefully i will get stills of the video that I shot this week.

vaya con dios, faithful readers.