my amazing account service skills

wow... i just got out of a client call and i had to write about the dumbest thing i've ever said to a client in my professional career.

the client was having difficulty understanding the difference between rights-managed and royalty-free photography.

"what's the difference? why does one cost more than the other?" she asked.

one of my bosses and the account executive and another designer were in the room with me on this call and they all looked to me to explain.

"well," i began, "royalty-free images are unrestricted as far as usage is concerned. once you buy the right to use it, you can use it any way you want, anywhere you want, for as long as you want."

i continued, "whereas rights-managed images have set price parameters for different sizes, lengths of time and usage."

"for example, the same image will cost more or less depending on how many pieces are in the production run or how much of the page it occupies."

"another factor is the model and photographer release. some people may not want their images used in certain industries. like they may allow use of their image to sell cars but not for..."

my mind raced to think of a product or industry to use as a bad example.

lot's of unprofessional things came to mind in those split-seconds before i finally blurted out.

"...hemorrhoid cream."

there was a stunned silence for two seconds before my boss yelled, "WHAT!?!?! HEMORRHOID CREAM?!?!! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!?!?"

"well..." i replied. "i wouldn't want my picture used on a product like that, would you?

everyone in the room and the client on the phone lost it.

the a.e. had tears running down her face. my boss was leaned over the side of his chair cracking up.

the client on the phone was giggling away before she said, "i can't say i was expecting that, but now i won't forget the difference between them."

my boss, still laughing, responded, "it does paint a picture, doesn't it?"

we soon composed ourselves and finished the call like professionals but as soon as we hung up, i looked around the room and said, "guys, i'm so sorry. i don't know where that one came from."

we then allowed ourselves the opportunity to get all the laughter out.

maybe this is why i haven't stayed in one place for very long in my career.

i always end up saying something stupid and having to move on, lest i be forced to relive my embarassments over and over during the countless retellings by fellow employees.

my cheeks still hurt.